some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
