They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Randomize
