I puked a lego.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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