i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
