i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
