I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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