I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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