Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
