Don't you send me to vm
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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