I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
