Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
My ass is underappreciated
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
