this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
