The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
