Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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