you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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