i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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