we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
