I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
