so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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