Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Randomize
