Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
