if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Randomize
