his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
