omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
