tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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