i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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