Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
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