***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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