If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Someone stole a lamp last night.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
