Will you blow on my dice?
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
It was like giving head to a cactus.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Randomize
