Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
one might say we're banned from that church
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
