I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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