i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
areolas are like halos for boobs.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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