I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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