He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Randomize
