I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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