Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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