she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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