Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
What drink are we having for lunch?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
