So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
