Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
