there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
