She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Holy shit dude........stairs
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