Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
