with your own penis?
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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