Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
