Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
