I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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