Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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