Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
